so it is currently 5:30 in the morning...the sun is rising as i try badly to fall asleep...

what in the world is wrong with my sleep schedule... i can't seem to find the answer... i guess im just nocturnal... yay!

all i can think about is one thing that is left unresolved. what else do you do when you can't answer a simple question? i don't know... i guess you just dream about it, think about it, live it, dream some more and hope that it will go away. it sucks so much when you can't really talk about it because society/morals tells you that it is unjust. blah.  but i guess we all need rules and boundaries otherwise all hell would break loose. and we dont want that! we want what we know and what is safe. security... most people like that feeling. and i guess i am most people. if i could take it all back i would, but i can't i'm in over my head. this is not to say that life hasnt been great. it has been wonderful! but it could be better if i could just stop with the nonsense. haha. i guess this is what happens when you have too much time on your hands. nonsense just pops up everywhere! for the people who know me, i know what you will say, just quit it with the nonsense lol. i love you all for bringing me back to reality :] however, at this moment i'm living in a moment that i just can't find the words for. how typical of me. i guess i will just have to see where this road leads me when i find the courage to finally walk down that path.

life's just full of surprises isn't it?? i'm ready. so surprise me!

some japanese song is blurred in the background as i phased into my habitual daydream...

i never really know how it starts it just kinda does... i am a gigantor sunflower with big green leafy arms, the sun is shining over me ever so brightly. i can feel the warmth feeding me with life... this vivid imagery seems more surreal by the minute... as i reach up to touch it's bright rays...

my illusion breaks, i am interrupted abruptly by the familiarity of the words..."you are my fire the ones desire..." is this really happening...

if your question is whether or not this really happened, yes it did. it happened yesterday afternoon as i was running late for class, on the drive there. it's not your usual "i crave..." daydream... it's just bizarre, but it has been happening quite frequently. i have no explanation. it's just every time i think about it i start cracking up. time after time i still don't believe how real it feels... just thought i would share :)

on a lighter note if you get a chance you should watch smiley face it is hilarious good laughs (i posted the site for you to watch for you lazy bums! yay!)

i wish i knew why i feel the way i do... from the outside everything feels pretty normal, but on the inside it's as if all hell broke loose. it's as if everything i ever knew caught on fire and now i can't put the pieces back together...aghh i dont know anymore...